October 30, 2009 Diet Blog

This morning the first thing I did was to go onto face book and touch base with everyone on there. I'm not sure why. I'd had a long night filled with vivid dreams and what I think may be 'messages' to me. There were several. One was to stand back and brace myself...my life is going to change for the positive in a drastic way...to brace myself for it and not to be led astray by it. Another was the revelation that I still love my mom. I knew that; it's just hard to forgive her for the things that she let happen, the things she made sure would never happen, the useless drama and lies she surrounds herself in.... I've always loved her though. You only get one mother- good, bad or indifferent.
On face book I always do the 'message from God' icon. My message today was to expect others to treat me the way that I treat them. I don't. I let people use me like a doormat to wipe their muddy feet on. I need to stop that. The message about my mom was coupled with the new knowledge that 'I've never felt wanted.' As a young child mom left Dad and took my older sister with her. I was left behind with the boys. As a teen my mom's 'significant other' let my older sister and the youngest of 7, my baby sister stay up with him and watch tv while I was made to go to bed along with the boys. He always told me that I was no good. I was smacked around just for being a red head by him. When mom finally left him, she took my older sister and younger sister with her. This time I was left behind again, but the boys all had homes. I lived around until high school was done. It was awful. The family members that had the boys shared me. I understand that having an extra child is expensive, never mind two but I remember feeling so alone, lost and yes unwanted...the scenarios stack up pretty high and there is not enough time or space to fill you in but you get the idea.
That feeling- those emotions trigger me to head for my 'drug of choice' which is food; sweets really. It was all in the dream. Weird right? I'd forgotten or buried a lot of this.
I would have a vivid dream; wake up; know what the lesson was and fall asleep again. This repeated all night long.The angels were still talking to me today through other means. My angel calendar had this exact idea on it. It basically said to listen; how messages come and that I was being spoken to. And my coworker found feathers everywhere. For me- and I've told her this- feathers are representing to me that an angel is close by or with me. It was wild!
I'm feeling very blessed today. I can't wait to have the positive changes come! Apparently it will hit me with no less discretion than a tidal wave. I actually have to step back; brace and be ready. I'll keep you posted on that.
Today was the Halloween party at work, which actually means 'goodies fest' in every language known to man. My coworker thought of me though, and she did the sweetest thing. She made an 'ice box' cake out of graham crackers, diet chocolate pudding and squished chocolate graham cracker pie crust. It was decorated with cookies that said 'RIP' as if they were tombstones, chocolate bats and the like. I only ate a sliver of the non-fattening part for my 10am snack. For breakfast I had 3/4 of a cup of Special-K in 2% milk. For lunch I had smart Ones and carrot sticks, no 3pm snack. For dinner my husband cooked me 3 plain perogies and steak. I added grapes to it. That was it for the day. I'm actually heading to bed to try and get some sleep. We are flying to Florida for the weekend for my nieces wedding and literally have to be up by 3am. I will Blog about it when I get back on Sunday night or on Monday if I'm too wiped out.
Until them let me remind you that you look as good as you can for today. Tomorrow you will look that much better. Do not let your perception of your body stand in the way of you having a good time. Stay positive! See you next time! ;-)