October 17, 2009 Diet Blog

It was a long, quiet lazy day. It was rainy, cold and the air was raw. My husband and I slept in. The day itself gave me time for thought and profound reflection about the circumstances of my life from the past, present and to dream about my future. The future by far was the easiest part. I am a dreamer, a romantic, I crave new experiences, laughter and fun...
I thought about the last blog and how emotion effects me on so many different levels. I really don't think I'm alone in the element of emotion affecting my diet and eating habits, especially if they are negative emotions.
I remember when my daughter passed away and when our 3rd child was still born. There were said to be 'stages of grieving.' I didn't remember exactly what they were or how many so I looked it up and this seemed to be the closest to my memory of how it went for me. (There are other versions with different numbers and explanations. This one fits me though.) According to what I read there are seven stages of grieving. They are: 1- shock and denial, 2-pain and guilt (I would add agony and suffering here), 3-anger and bargaining, 4-depression, reflection and loneliness (I had loneliness throughout all of the stages however, I still have it...), 5-adjusting (in my opinion this one is still occurring even after 20 years for me), 6- reconstruction of normalcy and working through it, 7- Acceptance and hope. (Like I said, dreaming of a brighter future is my strong point.)
I bring them up- not to discuss the death of my little girl or the still birth of my son though that's why I have the information, but to mention the emotions entangled with those stages. After I thought about it for awhile I realized that these are not just stages of grieving death. In fact they are stages of grieving...period. Whether we lost a job, divided a friendship, took a beating at work, failed a test in school or had a bad day these emotions are what go through us on some level.
When I began thinking about what I go through beating myself up over my weight I realized that these stages fit that as well. It was an amazing revelation for me. In some way it is part of 'breaking the code' as Kirsty Alley so aptly put it that time she was talking on Oprah.
I also thought about what motivates me. What things make me happy? Obviously happy is something that works in my favor when dieting and in general. I'm not alone there either, am I? The things that I adore happening in my life are new encounters, passionate conversations, talking and being actually listened to, listening to others, playful banter, new ideas... you know, that type of thing. I not only seek it, I crave it. I think that it's part of being a writer of course, but again in every other aspect of my life on some level I want these things. Again, I think this is also some part of breaking the mysterious code.
I don't believe that dieting is solely about what we put in our mouths- although that is part of it, but I think the food is just a symptom of something else...something bigger; deeper...an emotion overload of some sort... a defense mechanism... do you understand what I mean? Do you have any ideas or thoughts on that? Agree or disagree? Please post it in comments. I'd love to talk about that a little. I think we're on to something here.
Let's get to the bottom of it.
So, on more of a true life note, no one claimed the 'i miss you' balloon or the 'i miss you heart in the sand.' Really- it's making me crazy! Real? Mistake? What?
I was talking to my Blairstown BFF and we think we may know who did it. We are not sure so we will have to wait it out, but we have a reason for thinking along these lines. The 'why' part has to do with Halloween. I go around playing innocent, gentle pranks on my friends. I've done this for years and roped Blairstown BFF into it on more than one occasion. For example: I've webbed front doors closed, hung a morgue sign on a Friend's business door, put snakes spiders and bugs in drawers, a 7 ft Frankenstein in a friends shower, fake footprints walking over all of the cars in a friends driveway, put for sale signs up, sent cards annonymously with stuff inside like confetti, boxes with snakes that jump out ...the list is endless...
We think someone might be doing that to me. We think we might have an idea of who. We think we approached it all wrong. It's the perfect prank and I truly had no idea who it could be because I am the master mind behind teasing so very many. Blairstown BFF thought of it. It could be. It makes sense... I'll keep you up to date as I go along. I think this could be it though.
I'll sign off on that note knowing I've left a smile on the face of someone out there. Watch over your shoulder...I'm comin'. ;-0
Remember that you look as good as you can for today. Tomorrow you will look that much better. Do not let your perception of your body get in the way of you having a good time. Stay positive. See you in the next Blog! ;-)