So another pound down today, which is a relief. I've done something to my foot though. I have no idea what. I went to bed Wednesday night and it was fine. I woke up still fine, until I stood up after getting out of bed. The big toe meets the foot at the lower joint- that's where the pain is emanating from. It's severe. It got worse as the day went on. I have no clue what caused it. I went home, iced it and now am keeping it up and hoping for the best. Lord, its been a long day. Being in pain sux.
I do want to quickly speak to you about "the process of elimination" if you get my drift. Bowel movements- normal for me are everyday. On this diet, they are every two three days, smaller and little rock like texture. I know- I know TMI! TMI! Too MUCH Information!!! I understand, but I think if this is happening to my body, it may also happen to yours if you embark upon this diet. It's not 'tried and true.' I think its better if I document what's going on with my body as well as my heart and brain, that way we get a full spectrum of the features we must endure on our journey. That being documented- let's forge on...
Today was a day of embarrassment. Because I drink so much water I need to go to the bathroom. I hobbled all of the way back and forth having to explain the painful gimp to my concerned co-workers and friends. The problem is that I cannot explain it, so I just tell the story. AND what's worse than a Big Fat girl limping through the corridors of the courthouse? I could almost hear the people...'take off some weight and maybe your legs will be able to support you' type of thing. I hate calling any kind of attention to myself when I'm this heavy. I guess my self esteem is low. Rightfully so as I see myself in reflections of glass or mirrors as I hobble/waddle by. I just keep comforting myself...this TOO shall pass...
On that note I'll sign off for the evening. Tomorrow will be a better day. ;-)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
June 28, 2011 Diet Blog
So- in a cosmic effort to prove what I was saying to you yesterday I got on the scale same time as yesterday morning expecting to find the coveted half a pound- but hoping for more-off. Instead I was up the half a pound that I took off yesterday. Weighing in everyday isn't good. My mood went from sleepy to disappointed and upset right away. The scale sets the mood for me- the number is lousy. If I hadn't gotten on I would still be sleepy and evolving into the real mood of the day. I feel like launching the scale out the window!
That being said- if your diet is working, DO NOT change to this one. I didn't breach the plan with so much as an extra blueberry! I hate that! I follow the rules-follow the rules-follow the rules- in EVERY catagory of my life, yet it seems like the 'jerks' of the world are the ones who always come out on top. Its the same with publishing. Its the same with agents. What about us who work overtime to do the right thing-pray and beg for guidance- follow every rule set...what about us? (...and the meek shall inherit the earth...I know) Still, I am human and I too get frustrated.
Todays diet is: 2 coffees before I left for work, 1/2 cup blueberries for breakfast with 3 cups green tea. Lunch is 100 g tenderloin with onions poured over two cups green salad (I love that by the way) no dressing or oils used. Dinner 100 g chicken breast and 2 cups cucumber slices. Later an apple for a snack. 2 liters of water plus. It's basically the same diet every day with the limitations of fruits and vegetables being very strict. But for 30 days I can do anything- at least thats what I told myself...
I do not understand the weight. I just don't. I'm going to pray for guidance today, and strength...its too soon for a set back... please take the advice I gave above unless you're not dieting at all yet. In that case, join me. Misery loves company...lol. No-I'm kidding...the cup is half full here. It'll be okay tomorrow. Talk to you next blog. ;-)
That being said- if your diet is working, DO NOT change to this one. I didn't breach the plan with so much as an extra blueberry! I hate that! I follow the rules-follow the rules-follow the rules- in EVERY catagory of my life, yet it seems like the 'jerks' of the world are the ones who always come out on top. Its the same with publishing. Its the same with agents. What about us who work overtime to do the right thing-pray and beg for guidance- follow every rule set...what about us? (...and the meek shall inherit the earth...I know) Still, I am human and I too get frustrated.
Todays diet is: 2 coffees before I left for work, 1/2 cup blueberries for breakfast with 3 cups green tea. Lunch is 100 g tenderloin with onions poured over two cups green salad (I love that by the way) no dressing or oils used. Dinner 100 g chicken breast and 2 cups cucumber slices. Later an apple for a snack. 2 liters of water plus. It's basically the same diet every day with the limitations of fruits and vegetables being very strict. But for 30 days I can do anything- at least thats what I told myself...
I do not understand the weight. I just don't. I'm going to pray for guidance today, and strength...its too soon for a set back... please take the advice I gave above unless you're not dieting at all yet. In that case, join me. Misery loves company...lol. No-I'm kidding...the cup is half full here. It'll be okay tomorrow. Talk to you next blog. ;-)
Monday, June 27, 2011
June 27, 2011 Diet Blog
Did well today but found myself a little moody. I'm tired but my sleep patterns are always erratic. I stuck to the regimen without falter. I'm just so glad that I made it through the weekend. I feel like I have a real shot at it again. I'm not sure what happened or why I tossed the towel in. It doesn't matter now. I cannot change yesterday but I can change today and tomorrow one day at a time.
A friend of mine read that I lost the 10+ pounds in just 6 days and wrote to me that she was going to change her diet. That would have been fine if her diet had not been working, BUT hers is working! She's lost 18 pounds.
I wrote back and explained this to her: 10+ pounds in 6 days sounds wonderful. Of course its tempting using JUST that sentence. The truth has a few more sentences though. The first two Gorge days added 3 pounds that I hadn't had before, so the loss of those three was just a case of breaking even. 5 or 6 pounds is usually water. That means that I've actually only lost 2 or 3 pounds on the diet. It's a real diet. The psychological thing happening there got me going though. If you are on a diet that is working, please remain steadfast.
We aren't even sure if this one actually works yet. It's VERY strict too. Will I be able to stick to it? Hope so...but my track record as of late hasn't been great. Do I feel like I will? Yes. I feel like I've got a lock on it- but let's keep it all in perspective. Your diet has to work for you. Think about it.
Then if you want to try it-I'm behind you 100%!
It's been a long day and I'm heading into bed. Keep me posted on your progress here or through e-mail as my friend did! ;-)
A friend of mine read that I lost the 10+ pounds in just 6 days and wrote to me that she was going to change her diet. That would have been fine if her diet had not been working, BUT hers is working! She's lost 18 pounds.
I wrote back and explained this to her: 10+ pounds in 6 days sounds wonderful. Of course its tempting using JUST that sentence. The truth has a few more sentences though. The first two Gorge days added 3 pounds that I hadn't had before, so the loss of those three was just a case of breaking even. 5 or 6 pounds is usually water. That means that I've actually only lost 2 or 3 pounds on the diet. It's a real diet. The psychological thing happening there got me going though. If you are on a diet that is working, please remain steadfast.
We aren't even sure if this one actually works yet. It's VERY strict too. Will I be able to stick to it? Hope so...but my track record as of late hasn't been great. Do I feel like I will? Yes. I feel like I've got a lock on it- but let's keep it all in perspective. Your diet has to work for you. Think about it.
Then if you want to try it-I'm behind you 100%!
It's been a long day and I'm heading into bed. Keep me posted on your progress here or through e-mail as my friend did! ;-)
June 26, 2011 Diet Blog
2 more pounds gone this weekend. I cannot complain at all, but remember 3 of it was Gorge weight, and a lot of that is water. Now comes the real weight so it will slow down significantly. Of course I will keep you posted as always.
My food intake has been the same. 2 fruits a day, 100 g of lean meat and two cups of vegetetable for lunch and dinner. Its strict but worth it. I actually feel like I'm back in the 'fight.'
I like feeling the control kick in again. This is just a quick note I know- but I will blog Monday evening (tonight) because I had so little time this weekend. I cleaned, grocery shopped, did laundry- then went by the pool with my sister in law and her family. I'm very lonley these days.
My food intake has been the same. 2 fruits a day, 100 g of lean meat and two cups of vegetetable for lunch and dinner. Its strict but worth it. I actually feel like I'm back in the 'fight.'
I like feeling the control kick in again. This is just a quick note I know- but I will blog Monday evening (tonight) because I had so little time this weekend. I cleaned, grocery shopped, did laundry- then went by the pool with my sister in law and her family. I'm very lonley these days.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
June 24, 2011 Diet Blog
Well- 5 pounds down overnight has gotta be some kind of a world record. How can that be? It's gotta be water weight from the gorge(?) That's all I can think of. Needless to say though- Fat as I REALLY an again- I feel light as a feather. The number matters. Though the actual number itself is horrid- it's not standing alone because of the literal "over night" success. I can only PRAY that the same thing happens to me on a global scale, speaking "author-wise."
The only question I had for today was if my food list was complete. It is, but you can also add blueberries, or raspberries to the fruit list if you so desire. Needless to say, since 1 fruit is 6-9 strawberries- how MUCH of those fruits counts as a fruit- especially because 1 apple also counts as a fruit. You see the dilemma? I cannot guess. Still, I went to work smiling!
My liquid intake exceeded the 2 liter amount, which they deem is fine thankfully. I drink constantly-All day-Everyday!
My food intake was much like yesterdays, because I need to get to the market on Saturday. I had two cups of coffee before I left for work. Just so you know- I used no sugar and a little milk. They say 1 tablespoon- I probably used two in each cup. Its the only rule I have to break.For breakfast I had one half of an apple sliced, with 3 cups of green tea. I had lemon in the tea and 1 sweet and low sweetener. You can use the juice of a whole lemon- I used half. Lunch was 100g of tenderloin sauteed in onions and water poured over a nice big green salad. It was lovely again. My sister in law squeezes the lemon over hers as a dressing. I may try that tomorrow. My mid day snack was the other half of the sliced apple. Dinner was 100g chicken, 2 cups cucumber slices. I love cucumber in this hot sticky weather. It's cool and refreshing and it tastes good. Then my final snack of the night was a full apple. I have an entire fruit last so that I don't wake up with my stomach growling or hungry in the night and I'm not so hungry that I'll grab ANYTHING in sight that's quick for breakfast.
Make no mistake- this diet is strict and it requires discipline. It has to come from inside of you. The normal diet is 1200 calories and the weight loss is good. It's just slower. This diet is only 500 calories. That's why they pull you OFF of it after 30 days and you have to maintain that weight for 6 weeks before being allowed to begin again. It's hard, but I feel like I've got a grip on myself again.
For me that's more than half the battle. I was spiraling out of control. For me the answer to the question of how to maintain a decent weight and stay healthy for the rest of my life lies within the title of this blog. "Keep fighting Fatty!" Even though we feel complete defeat we HAVE to keep going back to the beginning- square one if TH ATS what it takes. Of course I'll keep you posted about it all.
PS: I'm asked to go to the pool tomorrow- though I will go because I try NOT to let the weight stop me as you know, I am having GREAT anxiety over it. Bathing suits are a nightmare... On the inside- in my core, I KNOW that people there are looking at me and saying thank heaven I don't look like HER. People say that about other people all of the time while I listen there. For me, there's a certain embarrassment to being a fat person. But let me correct something I said on the blog the other day. I was having a very bad day. I'm sure you can empathise. Though I hate my looks and am totally frustrated, embarrassed and all of the other emotions that go with loathing my body, I do not hate myself. My core is beautiful. I know that. I'M locked in here. It's like an intricate cage. There is a way out but its through a labyrinth. I'll find my way.
The good part is that I am not alone. There are many of us and though we are locked in separate cages- we feel each other. We hear each other. Together we are strong and can pull each other through. I'm giving it another go. Join me... don't give up and I won't either...
The only question I had for today was if my food list was complete. It is, but you can also add blueberries, or raspberries to the fruit list if you so desire. Needless to say, since 1 fruit is 6-9 strawberries- how MUCH of those fruits counts as a fruit- especially because 1 apple also counts as a fruit. You see the dilemma? I cannot guess. Still, I went to work smiling!
My liquid intake exceeded the 2 liter amount, which they deem is fine thankfully. I drink constantly-All day-Everyday!
My food intake was much like yesterdays, because I need to get to the market on Saturday. I had two cups of coffee before I left for work. Just so you know- I used no sugar and a little milk. They say 1 tablespoon- I probably used two in each cup. Its the only rule I have to break.For breakfast I had one half of an apple sliced, with 3 cups of green tea. I had lemon in the tea and 1 sweet and low sweetener. You can use the juice of a whole lemon- I used half. Lunch was 100g of tenderloin sauteed in onions and water poured over a nice big green salad. It was lovely again. My sister in law squeezes the lemon over hers as a dressing. I may try that tomorrow. My mid day snack was the other half of the sliced apple. Dinner was 100g chicken, 2 cups cucumber slices. I love cucumber in this hot sticky weather. It's cool and refreshing and it tastes good. Then my final snack of the night was a full apple. I have an entire fruit last so that I don't wake up with my stomach growling or hungry in the night and I'm not so hungry that I'll grab ANYTHING in sight that's quick for breakfast.
Make no mistake- this diet is strict and it requires discipline. It has to come from inside of you. The normal diet is 1200 calories and the weight loss is good. It's just slower. This diet is only 500 calories. That's why they pull you OFF of it after 30 days and you have to maintain that weight for 6 weeks before being allowed to begin again. It's hard, but I feel like I've got a grip on myself again.
For me that's more than half the battle. I was spiraling out of control. For me the answer to the question of how to maintain a decent weight and stay healthy for the rest of my life lies within the title of this blog. "Keep fighting Fatty!" Even though we feel complete defeat we HAVE to keep going back to the beginning- square one if TH ATS what it takes. Of course I'll keep you posted about it all.
PS: I'm asked to go to the pool tomorrow- though I will go because I try NOT to let the weight stop me as you know, I am having GREAT anxiety over it. Bathing suits are a nightmare... On the inside- in my core, I KNOW that people there are looking at me and saying thank heaven I don't look like HER. People say that about other people all of the time while I listen there. For me, there's a certain embarrassment to being a fat person. But let me correct something I said on the blog the other day. I was having a very bad day. I'm sure you can empathise. Though I hate my looks and am totally frustrated, embarrassed and all of the other emotions that go with loathing my body, I do not hate myself. My core is beautiful. I know that. I'M locked in here. It's like an intricate cage. There is a way out but its through a labyrinth. I'll find my way.
The good part is that I am not alone. There are many of us and though we are locked in separate cages- we feel each other. We hear each other. Together we are strong and can pull each other through. I'm giving it another go. Join me... don't give up and I won't either...
Friday, June 24, 2011
June 23, 2011 Going Strict
You know- it wasn't so bad. I wrote a lot of feelings down in the journal I'm keeping- but not once did I write that I was hungry. The food is spaced out every 3 (ish) hours or so. It better fits my schedule that way. I feel okay.
Before I left for work I had 2 cups of coffee- 2% milk-light.
For breakfast I had three strawberries, 3 cups green tea.
I had 2-16.9 oz bottles of water before lunch and one with replacing the usual diet beverage.
For lunch I had 100g. or 4oz. of beef tenderloin sauted in onions in water! No butter or oil allowed. I poured that micture over a green salad, chilled it and it was lovely and filling for lunch! No salad dressings of any kind allowed.
At 3pm I had three more strawberries. (9 makes an entire fruit so I broke them up)
Dinner was 100 g of shrimp, 2 cups of cucumber sliced, and the last three strawberries. It was a cool, filling dinner. I had a glass of ice water instead of my usual pink lemonade.
At 8pm I enjoyed a nice juicy apple, a large glass of water and then a hot shower. I enjoyed a little down time by myself and then off to bed.
I slept well and feel refreshed this morning (the 24th) You aren't going to believe this but I lost 5 pounds over night. That is what I gained on gorge plus some!!! Will blog about today later or tomorrow morning!
Hmmm...might work... ;-)
Before I left for work I had 2 cups of coffee- 2% milk-light.
For breakfast I had three strawberries, 3 cups green tea.
I had 2-16.9 oz bottles of water before lunch and one with replacing the usual diet beverage.
For lunch I had 100g. or 4oz. of beef tenderloin sauted in onions in water! No butter or oil allowed. I poured that micture over a green salad, chilled it and it was lovely and filling for lunch! No salad dressings of any kind allowed.
At 3pm I had three more strawberries. (9 makes an entire fruit so I broke them up)
Dinner was 100 g of shrimp, 2 cups of cucumber sliced, and the last three strawberries. It was a cool, filling dinner. I had a glass of ice water instead of my usual pink lemonade.
At 8pm I enjoyed a nice juicy apple, a large glass of water and then a hot shower. I enjoyed a little down time by myself and then off to bed.
I slept well and feel refreshed this morning (the 24th) You aren't going to believe this but I lost 5 pounds over night. That is what I gained on gorge plus some!!! Will blog about today later or tomorrow morning!
Hmmm...might work... ;-)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
June 22- Diet Blog
2ND Gorge Day- UG-UG-UG!!! Hated it. Hate myself. Feel awful. What's worse? The embarrassment of looking like-THIS and eating like THAT! Everyone saw. Another fat elephant throwing in the towel- holding up the whiteflag for all to see...(sigh) I've never felt worse. I ate all day, high fat foods, by the time work was over I was exhausted from putting so much crap into my body and then trying to haul this butt around. What a monstrosity! I'm so glad to be going back to a regimine tomorrow. I cannot handle this. At least I was trying before. People saw me eating like that too.
I dumped out the rest of my pink lemonade because water is the drink of choice for the next 30 days. Coffee and tea is fine. I took out my first package of weighed and frozen meat. 100 g. I will skillet sautee with onions and pour over a green salad with no dressing. That will be lunch. There are two fruits. I will break one in half so I can have three. Two meals-three snacks that way. For me, I know that works best.
I'm so glad that this day is over. I spiked 1 1/2 pounds in one day. UG!!! I never thought I'd be so thankful to go on a diet- a REAL diet again. I just want to feel better.
2 day Gorge diet objective- over eat-eat every two hours all day long full or not. Eat high fat. This will set your metabolism. Check...
Will keep you posted.
I dumped out the rest of my pink lemonade because water is the drink of choice for the next 30 days. Coffee and tea is fine. I took out my first package of weighed and frozen meat. 100 g. I will skillet sautee with onions and pour over a green salad with no dressing. That will be lunch. There are two fruits. I will break one in half so I can have three. Two meals-three snacks that way. For me, I know that works best.
I'm so glad that this day is over. I spiked 1 1/2 pounds in one day. UG!!! I never thought I'd be so thankful to go on a diet- a REAL diet again. I just want to feel better.
2 day Gorge diet objective- over eat-eat every two hours all day long full or not. Eat high fat. This will set your metabolism. Check...
Will keep you posted.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
June 21, First Day of Summer- Diet Blog
So, I've gained back all but a few pounds of my weight. I feel ugly and awful. I'm so tired of trying and then failing that I could scream. Still, I cannot give up. I have this picture in my head and I want to look like her. Soooo- "Finnegan, Let's BEGIN AGAIN..."
Though I cannot do the diet with the pregnancy meds that my sister in law uses, the doctor says that I can use the diet itself in EXACTLY the way it's supposed to be used.
I say that because the last time I began I jumped right in to the hard-strict part. Maybe that's why I failed.
The first day was today. I'm expected to drink 2 liters of water. No problem, that actually comes natural now. Then I'm expected to eat every two hours. Also no problem, I do that now too. BUT for the first two days of this diet I am expected to eat everything HIGH fat, alot of it, and still every two hours with water.
I thought: HMMM, sounds fun. I can do that. Its called 2 day Gorge. It supposedly resets your metabolism if you've been yo-yoing for awhile. I have. It may be why I'm failing, I was told.
So I embarked on Day 1 today. By the end of the day I was full, bloated, uncomfortable and felt like I would hurl if I saw one more fattening thing! I cannot BELIEVE they have me doing this for two solid days. It's the end of Day 1 and I want to die. I feel awful. I nearly passed out at my desk at work.
I didn't allow myself to go to bed. Instead I went grocery shopping after work, prepared the meats by weighing them out into 100 g portions and bagging them. They are in the freezer now, just waiting patiently for me. It felt so good to be buying them I feel like a fat house and I ate worse than I have in years.
One would think granting yourself permission to eat anything you want would be fun. Well they are right. The concept was fun and the doing was fun too until lunch time- then it was a burden- an uncomfortable phenomenon. I wonder if they do that so that you'll pray to diet, eat right and feel better.
Also, I MUST weigh in every day on this diet, log it and the food I consume. The diet part itself is limited (thankfully) and I will keep you apprised the best I can. UG tho- I feel awful. I made myself stay up until 9 because they say not to rearrange your schedule to much. Setting your metabolism correct depends on you maintaining the 'norm.'
Enjoy your night. I'm going to bed. I may fall asleep before I reach the top of the staircase.
Though I cannot do the diet with the pregnancy meds that my sister in law uses, the doctor says that I can use the diet itself in EXACTLY the way it's supposed to be used.
I say that because the last time I began I jumped right in to the hard-strict part. Maybe that's why I failed.
The first day was today. I'm expected to drink 2 liters of water. No problem, that actually comes natural now. Then I'm expected to eat every two hours. Also no problem, I do that now too. BUT for the first two days of this diet I am expected to eat everything HIGH fat, alot of it, and still every two hours with water.
I thought: HMMM, sounds fun. I can do that. Its called 2 day Gorge. It supposedly resets your metabolism if you've been yo-yoing for awhile. I have. It may be why I'm failing, I was told.
So I embarked on Day 1 today. By the end of the day I was full, bloated, uncomfortable and felt like I would hurl if I saw one more fattening thing! I cannot BELIEVE they have me doing this for two solid days. It's the end of Day 1 and I want to die. I feel awful. I nearly passed out at my desk at work.
I didn't allow myself to go to bed. Instead I went grocery shopping after work, prepared the meats by weighing them out into 100 g portions and bagging them. They are in the freezer now, just waiting patiently for me. It felt so good to be buying them I feel like a fat house and I ate worse than I have in years.
One would think granting yourself permission to eat anything you want would be fun. Well they are right. The concept was fun and the doing was fun too until lunch time- then it was a burden- an uncomfortable phenomenon. I wonder if they do that so that you'll pray to diet, eat right and feel better.
Also, I MUST weigh in every day on this diet, log it and the food I consume. The diet part itself is limited (thankfully) and I will keep you apprised the best I can. UG tho- I feel awful. I made myself stay up until 9 because they say not to rearrange your schedule to much. Setting your metabolism correct depends on you maintaining the 'norm.'
Enjoy your night. I'm going to bed. I may fall asleep before I reach the top of the staircase.
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