Setember 17. 2009 Diet Blog

Today began as any other September day would've. It's getting colder and the days seem as if they are getting shorter. The air in my bedroom was cool and crawling out from under my nice cozy covers was completely unappealing to me.
I woke up famished. I had weight control oatmeal to curb that. For snack I had a weight watchers chocolate cake. The ones worth one point according to the package. Just before lunch the lovely day took a turn for the worse and went from a leisurely twenty five mph to ninety in a split second. It was an awful, stressful day from that point. I went to the ladies room to try and gather myself. There is a full length mirror in there. I got a glance of myself from the side view. It was an awful moment. The frontal wasn't much better. I just wanted to cry. I took a couple of deep breaths, pasted a fake smile on and went back into the trenches.
For lunch I had Smart One's and carrot sticks. For 3pm snack I had a plumb and longed for my pillow and blanket so I could pull it over my head and hide from the world. I couldn't take it anymore. It was way beyond my ability to deal with and maintain composure. I did- but I do not know how. I was totally in tatters within myself; a serious mess in my head....By the time I was on my way home I was on a collision course with what normally would've been a diet disaster.
Luckily I know this about myself and knew I had to do something to avoid it. I formulated a battle plan in the car on the way. I had to run interference or risk going backwards and spiraling out of control. I've worked hard and I just didn't want that to be the outcome. I turned on happy music in my car. My husband had burned me a CD with the songs I will be adding to my karaoke repertoire and I played it and sang to it all of the way home. I wanted to turn my thoughts from negative into positive ones. I was semi successful. Once inside my home I went directly to my computer and read my face book until it was time to prepare dinner. I got my mind occupied on a different task that way.
I chose a quick and easy meal, that is a favorite of mine. 'Noodles and Sauce,' made with multi grain noodles and low fat sauce was the choice. I knew it was filling. I wanted that sensation to deter eating any more if I could get it. I ate the correct amount. I felt satisfied but the war within myself waged on.
My husband had to leave to go teach his scuba certification class and that left me in a very bad place too. I was no longer hungry but I use food to comfort and sooth my frayed nerves normally; that is especially true if I am alone. I am much more vulnerable when I feel isolated. In fact I did fill the plate another time but instead of eating even a bite of it I pulled the fork out, put it in the sink and covered the plate for another time. I consciously forced myself to do it. I felt weak though. I scrambled around inside of my own head until the 'idea light bulb' appeared for the rescue. I dialed my son. Lord- I needed to talk to my boy. It grounded me.
I told him about my day and he told me about his. He got a raise at work without asking. He's teaching the other employees some new aspect of engineering...he's doing amazing. Somehow I felt better. Situation diverted. The battle won...at least for now. Later I did have a lite n fit yogurt. I enjoyed it immensely.
I tell you all of that for obvious reasons. Stress and raw emotion can lead to the breakdown in an otherwise perfect diet plan or routine. I came up with the plan on the fly as each new branch of the problem surfaced, but the point is that it was done consciously. The choice was mine even though it didn't feel like it. For me, everything felt out of control. I had to take the control back. Isn't that what we are ultimately trying to do here? Control might actually be the secret to breaking the code of the diet roller coaster ride forever; my question is how do we keep control though? My guess is one day at a time; one hour at a time; one minute at a time; one second at a time. Whatever it takes to get the goal met for us. I'll keep you posted as always.
I'll end on that note telling you what I know we do have control of here: You look as good as you can for today. Tomorrow you will look that much better. Do not let your perception of your body stand in the way of your having a good time. Stay positive. Have a good night. See you tomorrow. ;-)