It's been such a long day. I was so tired this morning. I didn't sleep well. I couldn't turn my brain off. I dragged through my morning routine. I made a weight control Oatmeal for breakfast but forgot to eat it, so I ate my 10 am snack, which was grapes for breakfast with 6 of those silver dollar sized rice cakes. Lunch was a Smart Ones and carrot sticks, and I did without the 3pm snack. For dinner I made lamb chops and rice pilaf. I had a regular, not over sized portion of each.
I went on face book this morning to find that a friend had dropped me. It was a shock. I wouldn't have known it except that I had a job for them and was going to message them about it. I saw them just last week and they were so pleased to be my friend on face book and had always wrote that. I'm not sure what happened there so I wrote and asked. They didn't respond and my feelings are a little hurt. The job went to someone else too.
I dragged myself through the morning telling myself to let it go. It'll be fine. It wasn't a BFF- not even close...it just was weird. My young BFF contacted me and told me that everything went well with her older 'friend.'(Again I use the term very loosely.... but it went well and she was feeling better about things.)
That is part of what kept me up all night; how he's been treating her awfully for months now...me too for that matter. I don't understand why, but it played on my nerves last night. To compound the feelings of 'less than' that I'd been struggling through I found out that someone that has only been at my place of employment for a couple of months got the job that I had put in for. It's not that I wanted the job so bad and I understand that this was done because replacing me right now is not something that can be done, but that's twice now. The hiring freeze won't allow my job to be replaced so they have to pull folks from other positions. At least I hope it's really that. It's not fair...life's not fair though; I'm an expert on that subject. I believe that when God closes a door, he opens a window though. I guess I just haven't found the correct window yet.
I dropped things all day, banged myself up, got frustrated...I'm just so glad that this day is nearly over. I didn't cry. Maybe I should've.
Tonight was Body Conditioning class. I handed in the first program I had to write and of course; low and behold; a pop quiz... of course there was a quiz...it only fit with the theme of the day. I cannot believe that my 4.0 is going to be ruined because of a gym class; a one credit gym class! Maybe I did okay...I just don't know.
I did not cheat on the diet. I was so depressed that I wasn't even hungry. That's a first for me. The one thing I never drop or lose is my appetite. One thing that did come up was with one of my coworkers. She did great all weekend with the exception of one tiny Halloween treat sized bag of Reese's Pieces. She didn't need to hear that she'd done bad because of that. Clearly she was beating herself up enough. I just said if you are lessening your intake of junk food you are on the right track. It could've been so much worse. She agreed.
On that note let me just say that you look as good as you can for today. Tomorrow will be that much better. Don't let your perception of your body stand in the way of your having a good time. Stay positive. See you tomorrow. ;-)
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