September 16, 2009 Diet Blog

Today is the anniversary of my daughter's death. She was 2 days short of four months when she died. She would be 20 now. I held it in my heart and silently went through the day. I pretended that it was a day like any other. I'm pretty sure no one knew... well, almost no one knew. I knew. I told you I would tell you what was going on with me in order to help myself and you develope battle plans as the need arises. It's been 20 years. I still do not have a battle plan for this. The years gone by have made it easier and I know she is with me but ...I just never got over missing her so much.
For my diet, this and her birthdate are the worst. I want to crawl into a vat of chocolate with my mouth open. Chocolate is my drug of choice. I did not do that, or anything resembling that but I did have some of the Chocolate Quaker rice cakes for dessert tonight. I just feel so alone sometimes.
That being said, the day wasn't bad. I did a nice thing for someone today. It was an annonymous act so I can't tell you all about it, but it did my heart good to play a role in making another person happy. I did the same thing on Monday, only that was more in the form of a joke to make someone I care about laugh. I'm fairly sure that they will know who did it. I'm also positive that it will bring a smile to their face. So I felt pretty good about that.
I also sent the link to this Blog to Dr. Oz. I mentioned him in yesterday's Blog because he was on 106.7 Lite FM the other day. Sadly, yesterdays blog evaporated into the eithers of computer land. I'm sorry about that. I have no idea of how to retrieve it from the server of the blog computer so I can't get it but if I refer to any of it, I will explain as I go. Anyway, I think it would be 'cool' if Dr. Oz checked us out on here, maybe added a comment ot two now and again...
I'm also going to send it to the Ruby Show. She's lost an astronomical amount of weight. It would be excellent to get her take on this idea! I'll keep you posted if I hear anything from any of the above items.
The second body conditioning class was tonight. The teacher had a body fat measuring device. We were supposed to measure our body fat with everyone standing around. I was duelly horrified and prayed for the floor to open up and swallow mw or for aliens to beam me aboard...anything to get out of it. It didn't happen. While awaiting my turn, filled with anxiety over it the person behind me; a tall thin buff kind of guy; complained that he didn't want to do it on display like that. In fact several people moaned and groaned about doing it at all. I turned to the group and clearly gave them the advice to get behind me in line if they felt that way. The questioning, confused looks on their faces were priceless. I then clearly stated with a shrug, 'The damn thing will blow up when my turn comes and the rest of you won't have to worry about it.' Well, the entire class cracked up including the instructor and I left with everyone knowing who I was and wanting to work together. Life is good. I may be the fattest, oldest one in the class- but I'm still me.
I think as far as dieting and excersise go, we have to take that attitude. We have to be us. What works for someone else might or might not work for us but it's always good to listen. Let your own personality work with what you are doing. I'm one to lighten the load with a quip. It's usually me referring to myself...sadly there is MUCH to work with in this area. If that's not your thing figure out what is and go with it. This has got to fit your lifestyle; your needs; you. It's not a one size fits all kind of thing.