Okay- so I finally got a good nights sleep. I haven't since my boss told me about his wanting to die. I saw every hour at one point or another since that time and have been struggling through darkness and fog to try and get into the light and warmth of normalcy. I had a dream last night. An angel came- golden and beautiful surrounded in magnificent soft white light so bright I couldn't see her clearly but not so bright that it hurt me in any way. It was warm, inviting and love radiated from it, and her. No words were spoken but she touched my face and I just knew that it was going to be okay. God has a plan.
Apparently this had to happen to my boss for some reason, and me for some reason. I guess the reasons will unfold in time. I know God's got my back. Whatever happens will turn out to be the right thing...the BEST thing for BOTH of us.
I'm entering into this new day with faith, hope and love. I think loving my fellow man or woman comes easier than loving myself for some odd reason. Maybe we all experience that and I just don't realize it. I'm not sure what will happen today but I'm ready and I'm okay with where the chips fall. I'm still not sorry that I told. If it's a choice between his life or my job- I choose life.... for BOTH of us. I cannot live walking on egg shells forever either. I'm going to go in today- hold my chin up, and be myself. That's not to say 'myself' is the most confident person in the world, I'm definitely not... but I'm just going to leave it all in the hands of the Lord...and keep the food OUT of my hands.
In the mean time, I'm going to try and stop beating myself up for the way I handled the situation and move forward. The thing about the past is that it cannot be changed- the thing about the now and the future is that it's all up to me... it's up to you too. Join me! We can do this thing!
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