January 5, 2010 Diet Blog

It is Day 5. Yes I weighed in...seriously, are you sitting? Sit... I am DOWN half a pound. Yes...I said down. Somehow that other half a pound dropped off and an extra half a pound joined it. I'm astounded! I can't explain it...so instead...I think I'll just forge ahead.
I had oatmeal for breakfast, hot veggie salad for lunch and then again for dinner. Since I was alone it was easy and quick. Guess I felt lazy or something...I am kind of worn to a frazzle at the moment.
I began the day in my usual morning ritual ending it on Face book, same as always. Some birthdays were listed and of course I reached out to wish happy ones to the people. On one page the person complained about literally being broke. They had no money. Plus no one had sent a Christmas gift...I did but I guess it didn't arrive yet, but I think they meant someone of more emotional importance in their life...and they expected no birthday cards either... anyway...yes, you guessed it! I stuffed $20.00 anonymously into a birthday card and mailed it off. It will be late, but I think they will feel good anyway. Maybe they will think its someone else and that will open up a door for communication or something. Wouldn't that be awesome? I signed it 'Santa's Elf' like all of the rest.
It was a hard day at work. I got into work early as I normally do and booted up the computers, changed the calendars, watered the plants and such. I headed for the ladies room and embarrassingly it was full of men. They said it was no problem, to come right in...I was mentally horrified at that thought, but handled myself with grace and dignity. Needless to say I decided to use the bathroom down the hall and around the corner from us.
On my way there I saw the pale, ashen face of a fellow co-worker. I already knew that her mother was very ill. She'd taken a toll for the worse and I found myself holding her as she cried helplessly. There was nothing I could do. My heart bled for her.
I didn't make it to the bathroom and my day began right there. My mood was solemn but I pasted on that fake reception desk smile and did what I had to do. Sadly, it seemed as if every client and every phone call was that of someone who was in a sour mood. We handled each one as they came.
My BFF from the Searcher Vault popped in but there was little time to talk. I got enough though to have thought about her on and off all day. (Best of luck to the baby. Keep me informed!)
Late in the afternoon my co-worker got word that her mother had died. I could barely breathe when I heard. Obviously she left...a piece of my heart went with her. I'm no stranger to death as I've mentioned. My heart broke for her. I wish there was something...anything that I could do...of course there isn't....
I was glad to be going home even though I knew that my husband was taking our nephew to a hockey game. I figured I'd see them off like I usually do; maybe get a much needed bear hug. Nope! The house was dark and cold, my husbands jeep wasn't here and the cats weren't fed. I took care of the cats, turned the heat on as well as the lights and went onto face book. I was feeling very lonely.
All of the sudden my husband rushes into the house in a cloud of fury. He actually scared me he was so crazed! It seems that he had stopped at Modells to get our nephew a hockey team shirt so that they could look the same. Whatever happened had him paying an exorbitant amount for the shirt that was on the sale rack...anyway- he left in a huff without buying the shirt. He was so upset though. I told him to get it at the game. Of course he will but it ruined his surprise for the child. You gotta love him for that...but I could've done without the tantrum.
He left shortly after that...no hug...not knowing about my day.... I feel very alone for some reason.
I was done with face book. I changed into my pajamas and slippers and just wandered about for a few minutes. Then my phone rang. It was Blairstown BFF. I was so glad to hear from her. She found a job at the karate school advertised in the paper but was afraid to call and wanted me to do it because I worked there for so many years. I had to say no. If I did that they would NEVER hire her. I know that BECAUSE I worked there for so many years. She is a black belt for Pete's sake, not a child. Courage is what they teach. Believe me they'd laugh her right out of the building. I was of course made to feel guilty for that...I love her but that is always how she handles a 'no' from me whether it be karaoke or whatever. Guilt. She ended the conversation by saying that she had to go over a friends. Okay. Do you want the job or not? I thought but did not say it.
Instead I went with: 'They are open at night. You should call now' . She did not call. Silly.... shes 7 years my senior.
I said I would definitely give her a reference letter and she could use my name. Nothing. If I didn't call for her, she wasn't calling. Okay. Then no job. Let's get real here....
Then I sat down to write the blog. I'm tired, frustrated and feeling a bit 'used.' But I'm taking a deep breath as my co-worker at the front desk so often suggests....this too shall pass.
Speaking of my co-worker at the desk she did pretty good in case you were wondering about her two hour intervals of dieting from yesterday. She had 2 Nilla Wafers. I said that it was terrific because guess what?! It wasn't 5! She later had a piece of a gingerbread house roof made of chocolate- but just a bite...again I said GREAT! She didn't eat the whole roof! You go girl! I'm proud of you! This morning she went upstairs for a fruit salad. They had none and chocolate pudding called to her from the shelf. I'm happy to report that she turned a deaf ear and opted for an apple instead! ;-) Good girl! One thing at a time...one minute at a time.
So were moving forward. I sure hope that tomorrow is better. I'll sign off here remembering that I too look as good as I can for today. Tomorrow we will look that much better. And not to let our perceptions of our bodies stand in the way of us having a good time. Stay positive! Were in this together! See you next blog! ;-)