11-18-11 Diet Blog

The continuing saga of "how the toast burns" moves into hyper drive at 4am when I had to drive my husband and his dive partner to the airport for their annual vigil to Florida. I got them there and then pulled away and found my way out of the maze onto the highway. All of the sudden a phone rings from under the seat. I cannot answer it. It is my husbands phone. I think to myself, he's smart enough to call me on mine, which I can reach. I cannot pull over-there is no shoulder. Nope. the phone just continues to ring and ring for the entire 30 minute trip home. At 4am- I sincerely wanted to string him up.
Then I get so I can reach the stupid thing but I can't figure out how to answer it. It continues to ring and finally I got the number of his dive buddy. The dope would not answer his phone but kept calling my husbands. I tried twice leaving two messages and then I texted. After three more tries my phone rings and low and behold it was my husband. I offered to bring it but he said no. He would just do without it which means he won't be calling me. Whatever...
I got home and cried. My heart is sick over the death of such a young person without so much as a cause. I went to work exhausted. We worked Hard BUT but we got everything caught up by the end of the day.
About 5 minutes before lunch the eye roller came into my cubicle with the weirdest look I've ever seen on her. She pulls up a chair real close and says gently that she really needs to talk to me. I took my glasses off and gave her my full attention. She wanted to know why I didn't come to her when that guy started asking me for money. She was clearly upset- but not boss upset...person upset... anyway she adds that shes not a monster and I should feel comfortable coming to her with anything. I apologised. It's just not my nature. Guilt plagues me about that type of thing. I think its a left over from childhood. "Keep your mouth shut" was the abusers creed... I learned... Anyway, I sat for awhile and thought about things-trying to sort out all of the negativity. It was beating me down. I talked to God and said that I'm not able to handle the emotions. Too many too fast. I asked him to have my daughter meet my cousin's child and See her through the gates of heaven. All of the sudden it was okay. I was so alone, and then I wasn't. I gave God my cares because he cares about me. Though it all still is there, I feel able to handle it better. Thank you God.
My Hawaiian BFF phoned too, as I drove home from work- to talk things over. Much to my great shock he did apologise. He explained that he had been in a very bad place and felt bombarded and overwhelmed with negative aspects of life. He said he had no right to take it out on me...I literally had to reconnect my jaw. That is NOT someone who EVER apologises... Weird...I turned it over to God because I couldn't handle the emotions and he really is taking care of me... needless to say I accepted the apology- how could I not? I clearly recognise how that could've been true because of my own circumstances lately.- and we talked for about an hour. Then he texted me a beautiful picture of Waikiki beach. (Which made me jealous...but in a nice way...)
When I got home my husband called on his buddies phone. We only talked for a second but we talked...he tried, you know? Then ALL of my FB friends wrote HUGS and the like on my comment. It was amazing how many cared that I was so upset. I'm feeling better, stronger. Thank you again God...