July, 3, 2011 Diet Blog

For 3 solid days I've been stuck in the same spot. There's NO WAY I shouldn't be losing weight eating these very few calories. Its weird and upsetting. This is the exact reason this didn't work for me when I tried it last time. If I'm stuck ALREADY because of water weight or whatever, AND I have to weigh in every day, it's an equation for defeat-giving up- throwing in the towel. I'm SO glad I told you guys already on a successful path not to follow it until we tested it. I'm feeling like NO. It's way too strict and not very rewarding after the first week. Actually, it sux since the first week to be perfectly honest.
I've not cheated other than to switch meal times around due to my hectic schedule. THAT shouldn't effect me in the long run. If it does, this Diet won't work for anyone. My sister-in-law who had great success on it doesn't work. Her kids were in school all day and she could keep herself to a time clock. It's a little harder for those of us that work more than one job, go to school and are on the run most of the time. I'm going to ride out the 30 days, but I'm disappointed, discouraged and kind of upset that I've wasted this much time. Anyway- its a real diet- stricter than most- definitely stricter than what I used successfully. Maybe mine took longer in the beginning, but ... well, its like that race between the tortoise and the hare right? The tortoise won. Steady and strong beat swift and arrogant. (sigh)
Anyway- forging ahead. My husband is away on a dive. I was actually encouraging him to go. For some reason I need peace and quiet today. My head feels too full of stuff. I need to unload.
On Friday we got let out early as a nice surprise. I got into my car and headed home. About half way there the phone rings and its my husband. I pull over the car and take the call as it is an unusual time of day for him to call, not to mention on my cell-because we cannot use them at work obviously.
He doesn't even say hello. He just demands to know why I wasn't at work. I said that the boss let us out early. He challenges me loudly that he called the front desk and the girl said that I hadn't been in all day. He accused me- not with words but with the tone and volume of his voice, although I have NO idea what he was accusing me of exactly.
Honestly, I'm the most boring person on the planet that way. I am always where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there. If he had me followed the detective would laugh in his face-I'm so good! I'm floored by this and find myself defending myself, promising I was at work, offering to have the girl call him or my boss if it was necessary...you get the idea. I hung up with him-literally stunned and called the office.
My co-worker says that she did NOT say I was out all day, she-in fact- said that I was gone for the day. The girl next to her confirmed having heard her say that. Of course she did- WHY on earth would she say something else? I apologised- explained myself and hung up. I was home ten minutes later. He says that's what she told him, but that he believes me.
Then, the town pool which was next on the agenda, had to be closed because a child had a bowel movement in it. He went off the richter (pardon spelling if its wrong) scale. I just coward until the eruption was over. When his friend invited him to go diving I was never more happy. I've gotta tell you- I love him- but he can really stress me to the max. It made me have to fight off the urge to eat badly. I was beyond the breaking point by this point. I maintained composure until he was gone. Afterwards I just sat for a long time in silence. Did that really happen? OMG...
Anyway- so the NON loss of weight isn't helping the fight with myself. Tears feel like they want to explode from my eye balls, but are blocked...He's gone until Sunday night I think. I hung out with my sister-in-law and the kids after I pulled myself together about two hours after he left. I told her. She understood. There are big 'anger' issues inside of all of them because of her mom, she says. I see where that could be. It doesn't make it hurt any less though.
Keep going. I'm going to also. Thank heaven that I know I'm not alone...because I feel SO alone... ;-) See you next blog.