Happy New Year. I gave up. I threw in the towel; drew the white flag and dropped to my knees. Dropped to my knees literally. I talked to God; begged really. Abundance and prosperity, fame and fortune, health and beauty were the wishes I put forth. I want those things. I do not mind working for them. I do not mind putting in the time; paying my dues; whatever it takes..but I have reached the literal bottom of my barrel and I just need some kind of a sign. How do I obtain these things? Am I not attaining them because I'm not in it for the right reasons? I want to be. I hope I am. Believe me, I question ME all of the time. I asked sincerely. I really do want those things. HE knows whats in my heart REALLY right?
Well, of all the things to happen...I watched television today with my husband, and of all things he chose to watch Star Wars. I'm not really a Sci-Fi fan but I watched anyway in between cleaning, grocery shopping and things that I needed to do. Yoda- the Master Jedi was training Luke Skywalker how to be a Jedi and Luke pretty much gave up. "I can't do it, I just can't do it, you expect the impossible" he told Yoda. Clearly he had the ability- he just didn't have the stamina it seemed.
With that, Yoda lifted a plane from a swamp with his mind. Luke exclaimed "I don't believe it!" Yoda shook his head and admonished, "That is exactly why you fail." I heard that. It stayed with me. I think it was my sign. If I don't believe I can attain these goals, how will I ever attain them? Funny, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Yoda....
So, I picked myself up by the bootstraps- went grocery shopping and purchased all of the right thins for my health, threw out all of the junk foods and started over. I ate really well today. I have a little extra spring in my step. Could it all really be about believing in myself? Why don't I? It's the truth you know... I try, but I don't really. I should given y track record. It's deep seeded-this self esteem issue. "Do or Do not; thee is no try." Yoda told Luke. Yes. Believe or not- there's nothing in between. Get to it girl!
I believe I will have these things because I deserve to have them, because I will absolutely do the right thing with them no matter what the reasons are or are not. Isn't the point that I'm doing them? The why can sort itself out as I go. My why isn't really the one that matters anyway, right. HIS why is the one that counts. Clearly HIS plan for me involves these things; my journey or quest revolves around them. I need to learn while I do- not before or after it, I guess. I feel like HE answered me... maybe it's time now... for me to join the crowd and believe in myself as much as they seem to.
And so, I enter into this new year with renewed faith in my Lord, my goals and myself.... That feels good. It's been awhile since I've felt that. So- Happy New Year to you, and to me. It's time... Let's do this thing...THESE things ONCE AND FOR ALL.... See you next blog.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment