Monday, March 28, 2011
March 28, 2011 Diet Blog
Well, I've not been able to maintain more than a solid week on the diet since like- February I think. It's depressing- upsetting and frustrating. I want to. I just can't seem to pull up the darn will power anymore. I wonder why that is? I'm just so overwhelmed by it all. I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and just ... oh I don't know... I wouldn't be happy that way either. So, once again I'm going to get back on the horse-so to speak. Yes- I really do take my own advice. I believe if I keep on "going for it" it will happen, just like I believe that my books will bring me the fame and fortuine I need to make a difference in saving the lives of babies.... I'm a dream chaser...no doubt. And so "finnigan...Let's begin again..." And I'm off on Day 1- The Sequel of Sequels! My hand in God's- an Angel on my shoulders...and hope in my heart... Good Luck to you today also...xo
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
March 16, 2011 Diet Blog
I ask you...will it ever end? And I ask that with a huge depressed sigh on the end of the sentence. I worry about EVERYTHING. Japan had volcanic activity, which caused an earthquake, which caused a Tsunami that devastated the nation. The water has receded but left three nuclear power plants leaking radiation. There's been explosions. The West Coast of the United States is now threatened...I ask you...did NO ONE in that technologically sound haven foresee this? Why weren't those plants built more stable? I have friends on the West Coast, and people I care about in Hawaii and Japan. I'm worried.
At work, the second in command was 'let go.' I wonder if I'm next, or what reason will be found to get rid of me too. It seems okay. The third in command stopped at my desk to reassure me after the second was 'let go.' I felt better after that. I worry about the second though. He is in a very bad downward spiral. I pray he gets help and does not take his own life.
On the home front I noticed that I'm very lonely lately. I'm in the same room with my husband but he doesn't talk to me. I ask questions and he answers them, but he doesn't carry the conversation further unless I push it. I mentioned my feeling on this the other day and he talked to me for a few minutes about his day and then went back to playing with his new phone. It's a droid. It looks like a fun piece of machinery. I have the cheap little flip phone and it works just fine. I resorted to asking him questions about the phone. He answered. But only that.
My son called me with big news. I have to admit that my head went right to 'baby.' but it was that he changed his job. He'll be making $12,000 more a year. I'm so proud of him. He is focused and determined. (I wonder where he got THAT from LOL.)
My sister-in-law is at her goal. She looks amazing and I'm so happy for her. She tried to get me to do that HCG stuff because she found it on line for $18.00. My doctor said it's not good. Especially for me with my medical history. I did check. Still, I wanted to do it soully on eating the right foods, being healthy and being able to maintain forever. She's having better luck than me though, or at least it feels that way.
I get so tired of struggling. I'm so tired of stress, over work and under pay, I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of taking care of people and NEVER being taken care of... I guess I needed to vent, but that's ALL part of why that chocolate and that candy finds its way to my hips.
I made jello for the 'sweet tooth' struggle. The days are good, its the nights I have an issue with because I CAN cheat. I don't want to. I don't want to be fat for another summer.
There is a brighter note as of yesterday though. One of my co workers asked how the book thing is going. I told her that I had written to Dr. Oz that morning and sent the clip of the news show and the youtube link to the actual talk. SHE knows his nurse Carol Reed or Russo- up close and personal since she was a little girl. She's going to call the nurse! I'm so excited about that! I need to take this thing to the next level. I wrote Oprah, Ellen, The View, Today Show, Good Morning America, All of the Tristate area news shows, the local news shows, newspapers big and local, magazines...ANYONE I could think of. I am trying to make it huge. It's my dream. I need the fame and fortune to make it happen.... Sometimes though...I wonder if it ever will. Then I remember how far I've come. It's finally moving forward! It's what I dream of.
So now you know where my head is at, and you're all caught up. I'm in total stress/depress mode looking for the exit hatch. I'll keep you informed best I can.
At work, the second in command was 'let go.' I wonder if I'm next, or what reason will be found to get rid of me too. It seems okay. The third in command stopped at my desk to reassure me after the second was 'let go.' I felt better after that. I worry about the second though. He is in a very bad downward spiral. I pray he gets help and does not take his own life.
On the home front I noticed that I'm very lonely lately. I'm in the same room with my husband but he doesn't talk to me. I ask questions and he answers them, but he doesn't carry the conversation further unless I push it. I mentioned my feeling on this the other day and he talked to me for a few minutes about his day and then went back to playing with his new phone. It's a droid. It looks like a fun piece of machinery. I have the cheap little flip phone and it works just fine. I resorted to asking him questions about the phone. He answered. But only that.
My son called me with big news. I have to admit that my head went right to 'baby.' but it was that he changed his job. He'll be making $12,000 more a year. I'm so proud of him. He is focused and determined. (I wonder where he got THAT from LOL.)
My sister-in-law is at her goal. She looks amazing and I'm so happy for her. She tried to get me to do that HCG stuff because she found it on line for $18.00. My doctor said it's not good. Especially for me with my medical history. I did check. Still, I wanted to do it soully on eating the right foods, being healthy and being able to maintain forever. She's having better luck than me though, or at least it feels that way.
I get so tired of struggling. I'm so tired of stress, over work and under pay, I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of taking care of people and NEVER being taken care of... I guess I needed to vent, but that's ALL part of why that chocolate and that candy finds its way to my hips.
I made jello for the 'sweet tooth' struggle. The days are good, its the nights I have an issue with because I CAN cheat. I don't want to. I don't want to be fat for another summer.
There is a brighter note as of yesterday though. One of my co workers asked how the book thing is going. I told her that I had written to Dr. Oz that morning and sent the clip of the news show and the youtube link to the actual talk. SHE knows his nurse Carol Reed or Russo- up close and personal since she was a little girl. She's going to call the nurse! I'm so excited about that! I need to take this thing to the next level. I wrote Oprah, Ellen, The View, Today Show, Good Morning America, All of the Tristate area news shows, the local news shows, newspapers big and local, magazines...ANYONE I could think of. I am trying to make it huge. It's my dream. I need the fame and fortune to make it happen.... Sometimes though...I wonder if it ever will. Then I remember how far I've come. It's finally moving forward! It's what I dream of.
So now you know where my head is at, and you're all caught up. I'm in total stress/depress mode looking for the exit hatch. I'll keep you informed best I can.
Monday, March 14, 2011
March 14, 2011 Diet Blog
OK- so I'm getting back on track. I do trip up, but I'm still out there trying, and as I've said so many times to you...it's OK if we fall. The trick is to get back up again. Begin now- this minute. So, I am forging ahead...the pace is slow...mine....
You may remember that I mentioned the 2nd in command at work expressing death wishes to me in confidence. You may also remember how upset and emotionally taxed I was over it. He hasn't been back to work since that time. I ask of him from time to time. He is alive, or so I've heard. Last week we were told "if anyone calls he is no longer with this office..." I felt like someone punched me in the gut. My first reaction was "OMG. Is he dead?" I didn't voice it. I swallowed it- and then cheated. A few days before that the big boss would not accept his phone call from the 2nd in command. He made no bones about saying no to the call. It was clear that an issue was occurring. Now this news.... He is not dead, thankfully. He phoned my front desk co-worker that is in the back now too at home! That's REALLY off the mark. He is not supposed to do that even in the best of circumstances. But at least I know he's alive. She was upset. She also went to the supervisor. She told me because we are friends and I voiced my fear to her. She carries the same fear about him. We are worried. He could be a pompous, arrogant jerk, but he's still a human being, and CLEARLY he is in crisis...we just can't figure out why? What triggered it?
The aftermath of the Memphis Tour has been SO positive. I'm very excited and continue to dream the dream. If you are inclined to include that in your prayers, I would be very grateful. And so...ON WITH the day! See you next blog!
You may remember that I mentioned the 2nd in command at work expressing death wishes to me in confidence. You may also remember how upset and emotionally taxed I was over it. He hasn't been back to work since that time. I ask of him from time to time. He is alive, or so I've heard. Last week we were told "if anyone calls he is no longer with this office..." I felt like someone punched me in the gut. My first reaction was "OMG. Is he dead?" I didn't voice it. I swallowed it- and then cheated. A few days before that the big boss would not accept his phone call from the 2nd in command. He made no bones about saying no to the call. It was clear that an issue was occurring. Now this news.... He is not dead, thankfully. He phoned my front desk co-worker that is in the back now too at home! That's REALLY off the mark. He is not supposed to do that even in the best of circumstances. But at least I know he's alive. She was upset. She also went to the supervisor. She told me because we are friends and I voiced my fear to her. She carries the same fear about him. We are worried. He could be a pompous, arrogant jerk, but he's still a human being, and CLEARLY he is in crisis...we just can't figure out why? What triggered it?
The aftermath of the Memphis Tour has been SO positive. I'm very excited and continue to dream the dream. If you are inclined to include that in your prayers, I would be very grateful. And so...ON WITH the day! See you next blog!
Friday, March 4, 2011
March 4, 2011 Diet Blog
I'm back from Memphis- but NOT back from eating badly. I cannot seem to pull it together, even though I was on a GREAT path before I did the book tour. The book tour went wonderfully. I did VERY well- so much so that they've invited me back in September, which I'm VERY excited about. I feel good about that, but am tired and listless because of eating so badly. I've got a 'lock' on it today. I'm going to try again...hense the title of the blog- "keep fighting fatty..." It's an every day, 24/7 battle for me. I wish I could be like it seems the rest of my friends are. They have control. They can 'eat anything' because they can control themselves. My brother recently said it best "we have no off switch." He's right. Once I get going I go...with no 'stop' mecanism. I literally have to conciously make the decision EACH and EVERY time! (sigh) ...and so, I begin once again today... and as always- I will keep you posted. I know this is just a short note- but I will try to get back into the swing of things. Time is precious. I'm in school two nights a week, I work all day, do book stuff in my spare time- I still have to unpack- my mother in law fell and is now in rehab, so I need to visit her...the list goes on and on.... It'll be okay- I just need the days to be longer than 24 hours ;-). See you next blog!
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