March 16, 2011 Diet Blog

I ask you...will it ever end? And I ask that with a huge depressed sigh on the end of the sentence. I worry about EVERYTHING. Japan had volcanic activity, which caused an earthquake, which caused a Tsunami that devastated the nation. The water has receded but left three nuclear power plants leaking radiation. There's been explosions. The West Coast of the United States is now threatened...I ask you...did NO ONE in that technologically sound haven foresee this? Why weren't those plants built more stable? I have friends on the West Coast, and people I care about in Hawaii and Japan. I'm worried.
At work, the second in command was 'let go.' I wonder if I'm next, or what reason will be found to get rid of me too. It seems okay. The third in command stopped at my desk to reassure me after the second was 'let go.' I felt better after that. I worry about the second though. He is in a very bad downward spiral. I pray he gets help and does not take his own life.
On the home front I noticed that I'm very lonely lately. I'm in the same room with my husband but he doesn't talk to me. I ask questions and he answers them, but he doesn't carry the conversation further unless I push it. I mentioned my feeling on this the other day and he talked to me for a few minutes about his day and then went back to playing with his new phone. It's a droid. It looks like a fun piece of machinery. I have the cheap little flip phone and it works just fine. I resorted to asking him questions about the phone. He answered. But only that.
My son called me with big news. I have to admit that my head went right to 'baby.' but it was that he changed his job. He'll be making $12,000 more a year. I'm so proud of him. He is focused and determined. (I wonder where he got THAT from LOL.)
My sister-in-law is at her goal. She looks amazing and I'm so happy for her. She tried to get me to do that HCG stuff because she found it on line for $18.00. My doctor said it's not good. Especially for me with my medical history. I did check. Still, I wanted to do it soully on eating the right foods, being healthy and being able to maintain forever. She's having better luck than me though, or at least it feels that way.
I get so tired of struggling. I'm so tired of stress, over work and under pay, I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of taking care of people and NEVER being taken care of... I guess I needed to vent, but that's ALL part of why that chocolate and that candy finds its way to my hips.
I made jello for the 'sweet tooth' struggle. The days are good, its the nights I have an issue with because I CAN cheat. I don't want to. I don't want to be fat for another summer.
There is a brighter note as of yesterday though. One of my co workers asked how the book thing is going. I told her that I had written to Dr. Oz that morning and sent the clip of the news show and the youtube link to the actual talk. SHE knows his nurse Carol Reed or Russo- up close and personal since she was a little girl. She's going to call the nurse! I'm so excited about that! I need to take this thing to the next level. I wrote Oprah, Ellen, The View, Today Show, Good Morning America, All of the Tristate area news shows, the local news shows, newspapers big and local, magazines...ANYONE I could think of. I am trying to make it huge. It's my dream. I need the fame and fortune to make it happen.... Sometimes though...I wonder if it ever will. Then I remember how far I've come. It's finally moving forward! It's what I dream of.
So now you know where my head is at, and you're all caught up. I'm in total stress/depress mode looking for the exit hatch. I'll keep you informed best I can.