"It's not what you're eating...it's what's eating you..." a face book friend quoted on her page today. You know- there is some truth to that. As I've so often mentioned stress and depression send me running to the fridge. Sometimes there is something else though. Something I cannot put my finger on. That "something" happened today. It's not the first time.
Today at lunch the girls noticed that I look better for the first time. After I reconnected my jaw I thanked them but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to believe them. Does that make sense? I think not. I heard the words they were saying alright but it was as if they bounced off me or something. For whatever reason, that made me want to run for the food comfort zone. I'm astonished at myself. And I do not understand the reaction.
Is there such a thing as a mid life crisis for women? I'm so weird lately. I truly don't understand myself...maybe it's the synthetic hormone replacements since the hysterectomy... I don't know. I changed into jeans and a sweatshirt for school because it is snowy and cold outside, but I felt ugly. Uglier. I can't explain it. Is it fear of a sort? It's definitely stupidity of a sort.
I didn't cheat on the diet but it was a serious struggle after that point. I can't help wonder if I'm abnormal or something or if other's experience that kind of feeling. I thought that I'd be thrilled. I am...or am I? Gees I could get totally twisted over it!
I worked all day. My voice is holding but shaky. School tonight wasn't bad. I actually understand a lot of what is being taught. Maybe I'm going to be okay here.
I'm going to sign off here because I'm freezing and it's getting late. I want to crawl under the nice warm quilt and forget about my idiosyncrasies. It's going to be okay. I just have to get hold of my emotions and corral the negativity so that the positive ions have a change to spread out and manifest good feelings about myself. See you next blog. ;-)
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